It's Hard, But There Are Times We Simply Need One Another Over a Meal...to Make Peace...to Share Hope...to Forget Misery, and to Regroup

The news was expected. In fact, as I drove home from Syracuse looking at the changing leaves on 17 I could only think of one person...Maureen. She was my friend from high school and always a joyous light in my life. 

In our junior year of high school, we had a first year teacher of Chemistry and bonded together with most of the track team she ran with (who was also in that class) to try to find a way to understand the class's content. The poor teacher could not crack open our brains to make chemistry make sense. We were all smart kids, but chemistry didn't serve us well, and we made it known. We studied and studied and studied, but knew the NYS Regents exam would likely destroy our diplomas. We just needed to pass. We only needed a 65.

Irony of all ironies, it was the same year that the NY Post demonstrated how easy it was to get answers for the NYS Regents exams and they posted the Chemistry answers in their papers. When we came to school for our tests, we learned we could go home. The state was passing all of us on our Chemistry Regents that year. We all got 100s that year. It's a story I will never forget. Thank the Great Whatever.

Just like the excitement of going to Binghamton. Those of us who were accepted quickly bonded and grew excited about all to come. Maureen was one of these individuals. We cherished every second of our senior year, but over the summer I learned she wasn't going to go after all. I didn't know why. I would only learn later that she'd soon give birth to her daughter, Laura. 

Maureen and I stayed in touch and as she moved to motherhood, nursing, and eventually moving to California, I would keep touch with phone calls, letters, and eventually social media. Laura was always central to Maureen's life and I kept up with the progress of her elementary, middle, and high school experiences. I've even stayed attuned to her marriage, motherhood, and care for Maureen. In fact, a Christmas ritual every year is to put all the Maureen/Laura Christmas cards together on a chair to photograph them and send their way. I've kept them all.

Several months ago, Maureen texted to say, "It's coming to a close. Please be there for Laura." We all fought several years ago as the cancer almost got her and she miraculously went into remission. This time, though, it was too much. She let me know she'd unlikely respond to texts, but hoped I'd keep sending them (which I tried to do daily, but more often weekly). Several of us were on her side and as others noted online, "There are Aunties and Uncles everywhere."

Maureen Polacci was nothing but joy. She was on CNS's track team and although I didn't run then, we bonded over 5Ks, 10Ks, and 1/2 marathons while I was teaching in Kentucky. I just adored her. She was always a light, a positive energy in a chaotic world, and hope. At our 20th high school reunion, I was super excited to have her at my house and to arrive to the experience together. I just adored everything she was for keeping happiness alive amongst her peers and friends. 

I was in my office when I realized she passed. I saw her daughter's post. I went to get groceries, but sat in the parking lot and cried. "Get it together, Crandall. This is not what Maureen would want."

I remembered her passion for Mountain Lions and how she always desired to have a photo of her running along trails in California with one of those beasts at her side. I now pray she's able to ride or run with such a creature across the white clouds. 

When I got home, I saw the to-do list that built itself while I was in Syracuse. Rather than deal with that, I simply cooked a steak on the grill, made some green beans and a salad, and went to Pam's to feed her, Oona, and Kaitlyn. I just wanted to be around people. It's not right...cancer never is. Yet, love is always the way, and a spiritual faith to stay good, do good, be good, and spread good. That was always Maureen and I'm not sure I deserve her angelic wings above me, but I'm definitely going to rely on them. In fact, I wrote Chitunga last night to say, "I'm praying she'll look over us both." 

What a beautiful human being. A stupendous mom. An incredible sister, and a loyal daughter. When I think of God, I always think of Maureen, and I'm sad for the world that her good is no longer with us. Instead, it needs to be IN US, and we all have so much work to do. 

I understand the importance of saying "Grace." We are never guaranteed anything and need to strive with life while we have it to do better for one another. This is the legacy of Maureen, and I'll always be a better man because of her. 

Rest in Power, Dear Beautiful Friend. Elephant Shoe Forever. 

This photo...one of the first she ever posted on Facebook...is exactly how I'll always know Maureen...out for a run...in the mountains...appreciating the fresh air, light, and view. 

And of course there's the smile....the never-ending smile, which is impossible for any of us to forget.