These Aren't Giganting Cheerios Floating in Urine, They Were Last Nights Dinner at 11:30 p.m. When I Finally Said, "I'm Done."

I had one goal and I thought I could get it completed by noon. I wanted to finish 19 research proposals so (1) I might go to dinner with friends and (2) I could be ready for Sunday, where I really need to concentrate on courses this spring (all of them full to capacity). 

I failed. I finished at 11:30 when I finally got to my dinner. Even if I did stock up on good foods to cook, all of them took time, so I ended up heating soup and adding some Italian round things that were given to me when I was sick. I figured they might be more filling for my stomach that soup water and tiny strips of pasta string. It worked.

This is how educators work. We don't want to, but sometimes we have to give more when we have nothing else to give. I know that I have these same 19 in the summer for Capstone, and I also know the vast majority of them (all but one) will be teaching full time this spring. The way I see it, I am investing in all still to come, not only for them, but for their students and colleagues.

I also realize I'm living the book of Job at the University right now, or J.B. by Archibald MacLeish if you prefer. I don't know where I got this trait from, but I could have 45 darts thrown at my face, bowling balls chucked at my crotch, and hot coals put under my feet, and I still find away to say, "Hey, there's a Butterly. Have you read this poem?"

As things unravel and unfold, and I'm starting to share more and more about the world I've been living, people have been saying, "I don't know how you kept all of this in for all these years." Well, I'm a fan of friends and people around me and I was hoping for the best. I know I do good with with CWP-Fairfield and it speaks for itself. I can't, however, make sense or acknowledge the anarchy and insanity around me. I need to charge through that to do good for kids and teachers. 

I suppose as more and more is learned, I will still be running forward with puppy dogs in my arm, fresh-baked Cookies on the horizon, and the need to help one more kid to improve. I can't control the chaos - the circus - the shit show around me. I only have control of me: my attitude, my choices, my intents, and my integrity.